I’m that girl. The girl I never expected to be. The girl you find during the in-between phase of your life. The phase most girls know all too well. “He just got out of a relationship so he’s not looking for anything serious” is what we tell ourselves. The pain starts to swell in my heart.
Because I know nothing serious comes in the form of actually being your girlfriend but not reaping all the benefits. I don’t ever meet the parents or siblings but you better believe I hear stories about them. You show me pictures of your childhood home and I pretend like I’ll meet your family someday. Someday when he’s ready.
I’m that girl. The girl that never pushed the girlfriend label. The girl whom you always considered was totally cool with just a chill night in. But what you don’t understand is that the night chills me.
I feel the shiver run down my spine when you slowly begin to touch me. I feel like if I let go I will crumble into a million pieces. I have to keep up the image. You use my body like it’s some toy for you to play with, that is of course until a better version of me comes out.
I’m that girl. The girl that never deemed herself as the competitive type. Because why care? It only hurts to do so. Like when I played soccer and every girl on my team cried but me when we lost a game. I thought that meant I was heartless.
But like most people, I found out I had a heart just because I felt it break. Now I can only sense a deep hole where my feelings used to belong. A burning sensation of total numbness.
I’m that girl. The girl that’s so easy to leave without a trace. The girl only a few friends knew about. The girl who never once bothered you to take a picture. Because I was never your girlfriend and I never met your family. I only saw you when you wanted to share a bed and talk about your troubles.
But when you leave me you won’t find another girl like me. You will find the girl that you were meant to be with and she will meet your whole family and see that childhood home. While I’m still that girl stuck in between.